Impostor syndrome does not go away, it hides better

Yes, I’ve felt like a fraud too

There were so many moments in my career when I got hit hard. I was in a meeting with senior leaders, I was having a conversation with more experienced peers, or I was interviewing for a new role. Someone asks me a question I didn’t see coming, and suddenly I start wondering what the hell I’m going here. Who am I to discuss this toping with this person? How did I so to reach a team lead seat? Or now an engineering manager role? And how long will it takes for they to figure it out?

I’ve felt that throughout my entire career. And what’s worse, I know I’m not alone. After all these years, I even realize that it was what slowed down my entire career progression.

What impostor syndrome really is

Impostor syndrom is a sharp feeling of low self esteem. It’s a feelin that tells you you’re not as good as people think you are. That you’re miserable and your best skill is hiding it. No matter how many thousands of successfull code you’ve pushed in production, how many awesome apps you’re the author, there is a lot of people on the market that can do so much better.
Even when people praise you, you doubt they really mean it. When things go well, you find excuses for your success. And when you struggle, it confirms the story in your head.

This isn’t rare, it’s everywhere! And the higher you go, the more it hides. It’s there in high performers, in new hires, in managers, in staff engineers who still feel like they’re pretending.

How culture makes it better… or worse

Impostor syndrome feeds off cultures where people are afraid to ask questions or show uncertainty.

If you want to help someone feel like they belong, start by making it normal to not know. Celebrate questions. Talk about messy drafts. Give feedback that builds, not shames.

If someone says “I’m not sure this is right”, don’t rush to correct them but ask what they’re thinking. Make space for uncertainty. That’s where confidence builds.

I’ve seen teams where the smartest people were the quietest because they were terrified of being wrong. That’s not humility. That’s fear shaped by culture.

What helps when it’s your own voice

Impostor syndrome won’t disappear with a pep talk, but you can learn to spot it. Sometimes I catch myself spiraling, and I am repeating to myself “this is impostor syndrome”. It sounds simple, but naming it gives it less power. And it can help realizing the state of mind where you are, to better step out of it.

Keeping track of your own wins is a powerful helper. Not big achievements, just moments when you did something useful. Those stack up, and when feelings start to kick in, you have a solid list of success to prove them wrong.

Talking is also a huge help. I’ve said “I’m not sure I’m good enough for this” out loud to peers, and almost every time they respond with their own version of that feeling. I discovered we’re all pretending a little!

Also, stop trying to prepare your way out of it. Over-preparing feels like control, but it just feeds the cycle. Sometimes the most powerful move is to ship something before you feel 100% ready and realize nothing broke.

What engineering managers can do

If you’re a manager, you’re not just managing work. Your mission is managing people and that includes managing their confidence. And some of them are fighting battles you don’t see.

Look for signs. Someone who rewrites a draft ten times before showing it. Someone who avoids presenting. Someone who always credits others but never themselves. Someone burning out from trying to prove they belong. But also, stay alerts to every type of persons, introverts are not the only ones who can lack of self esteem or confidence. I know one who is not introvert at all, and I see him in the mirror every mornings.

Use your 1:1s to ask more than status. Ask how they’re feeling, what’s holding them back. Remind them of what they’ve done well and don’t brush off their discomfort. Name it if you need to. You can literally say, “what you’re describing sounds like impostor syndrome, I’ve felt it too”. Sharing your own experience of the impostor syndrome can have a very positive impact on them. It’s not about showing confidence, it’s about showing honesty. When people see that even you have insecurities, it opens space for them to admit theirs.

And most importantly, model recovery. When something goes wrong, talk about how you handled it. When you learn in public, you give your team permission to do the same. Learning how you can get away from Impostor syndrom and sharing it is a way to help others to recover too.

Impostor syndrome sometimes it looks like silence, sometimes it looks like fear, somerimtes like burnout, sometimes it looks like perfectionism. But under all of that is someone who cares deeply and isn’t sure they’re allowed to. That’s the part we need to talk about more.